so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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