Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
