I wannas sexs uuuuu
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize