just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
