i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
