What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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