if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
