You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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