My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
