I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize