There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
