I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
