hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
