lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
