Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
