You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
