I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
