so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
