Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she smelled like a LAN party
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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