The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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