would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
