Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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