what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
