her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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