I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
