I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
