i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
