her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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