I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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