I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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