Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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