I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
