he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
