I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
