i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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