so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
