Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
