PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
