I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
