I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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