Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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