I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
