I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
