just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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