He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
