it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
