Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
