Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
