I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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