are you still at the devil's house?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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