i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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