____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize