How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
