i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
