How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
