I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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