Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
