I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize