I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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