she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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