VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
