I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
