Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
