everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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