If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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