I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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