Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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