is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
