im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
