I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
