My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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